Freedom

from

Fawning

You’ve heard of “fight, flight, freeze,” but have you heard of “fawning?”

Just like this cute baby deer, fawning is an (often useful) stress response that allows us to “ensure” no one ever “gets mad at us.” The not-so-useful part? This superhuman skillset takes a massive amount of mental labor, and can lead to us feeling unfulfilled in our relationships, careers, and possibilities in life.

Do you ever…

  • Feel like saying “no” is just not an option

  • Avoid conflict at all costs

  • Feel like you have no boundaries, or that people walk all over you

  • Find it hard to say what you think, feel, want, or need––especially if someone ::gasp:: asks you

  • Have a hard time prioritizing your thoughts, feelings, wants, or needs, and feel shameful even considering prioritizing them over someone else’s

  • Feel confused that you can assert yourself well in some areas of your life, but not in others

  • Feel “stupid,” “dumb,” or embarrassed when your mind goes blank when someone asks for your preference

  • Feel ashamed that you went along with a plan you did not like––against your instincts––because saying “no” felt too scary to access

  • Watch yourself “people-please” and “self-abandon,” and really want to stop, but it feels too scary to do so?

  • Feel like you’re living a smaller version of your life because fully embodying yourself feels terrifying? (But you also really want to…)

This is what “fawning” looks like.
But it doesn’t have to run your life anymore.

When “fawning” is no longer our primary stress response, we honor our fawning skills as useful techniques that kept us safe in the past. We also understand that new techniques can bring us new results. We fine-tune our ability to know when it’s actually safe to say “no.” We cultivate our relationship with our wants and needs and the skillset to advocate for them in all situations. We get really good at knowing our “Yes’s” and also our “No’s”––how to say them aloud, and how to feel confident managing other people’s reactions to our new boundaries. We have so much more energy for our “Yes’s” because we no longer allow our energy to be drained by all the “No’s,” and we suddenly feel alive and more expansive. We feel proud of our deepened ability to tolerate conflict. We are prepared to ride out ruptures and repairs in relationships because we see them being strengthened, more fulfilling, and more authentic as a result.

Are you ready for a life that feels more like you?

Hi, I’m Rebecca Cohen

I’m a fawner––it’s me.

For years, unexamined fawning and people-pleasing had me confused about how I could be a leader at work, while completely losing my sense of self in relationships. Because fawning fits so nicely with societal expectations that women should be nurturing, selfless, and constantly attuned to others’ needs, no one even noticed––not even me!

After experiencing emotional abuse in past relationships, I became passionate about understanding how, even as a confident, high-performing psychologist, I could have gone through this in my personal life. I was determined to understand what I could have done differently in hopes of decreasing the chances of it happening again. While I am not responsible for the abuse I experienced, it felt critical that I deepened my understanding of how fawning shows up in my life. This helps me be fully present to, and aware of, warning signs, which allow me to redirect my energy in a more aligned and fulfilling way.

As a clinical psychologist with over 15 years of experience treating trauma, I’ve helped hundreds of people on their healing journey towards living more authentic, fulfilling lives. I have a deep understanding of the societal, cultural, familial, interpersonal, and personal factors that produce fawning behavior, and the concrete steps to heal from it.

Here’s how it works…

Note: Freedom from Fawning is my coaching offering (not therapy). This allows me to serve clients globally, and through more flexible modalities than clinical psychology. It also means I do not take insurance for this type of service.

  • Click here to connect with me virtually, so we can learn more about one another and ensure alignment.

  • Take the first step towards freedom from fawning in a 60-minute coaching call. Here, we’ll unpack a bit of how fawning might be showing up in your life, and point to a concrete step you can take to re-pattern towards your highest self.

    Click HERE to book.

  • If you’re ready to go all-in and heal your relationship with fawning, my 3 month, 1-1 coaching program (12 sessions total) will help walk you through the exact steps to start to change your fawning and people-pleasing behaviors for more authenticity and fulfillment.

    Start by booking your free consultation here.

    Then, book your 3 month coaching program here.

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I believe that trauma fawning is often the missing piece to healing many “stuck” aspects of our lives. When we heal from people-pleasing behaviors, we become empowered advocates for not only ourselves, but others––allowing us to live richer, more authentic and meaningful lives.

- Dr. Rebecca Cohen